Devil Doctor Woman

Here we go, the final Guinea Pig movie. I wish the series was half as good as the pictures on the boxes.

Devil Doctor Woman (Peter no akuma no joi-san) 1990
Orange Video House Presents
Director: Hajime Tabe
Producer: none listed in English
Writer: Hajime Tabe
Starring: Eve, Masami Hisamoto, Nezumi Imamura
FX: none listed in English

Devil Doctor Woman starts out by finally giving me what I have wanted for the last five movies: a blood geyser! Our host for the evening introduces herself briefly as the unlicensed doc who deals with cases no other doctor will touch and then she slashes open a doll and it launches gallons of blood in the air. It was beautiful. I nearly cried.

If the movie had skipped right to the credits it would have been perfect.

What follows is a series of shorts highlighting made-up diseases treated (or mocked) by the Devil Doctor Woman (who looks like a bad Elvira impersonator). There is a family with exploding heads, a man whose body leaks smoke, a zombie, a man whose right arm is trying to kill him, living poop, and this dude whose tongue sings like a pigeon (you can imagine how challenging the special effects were for the last one), and plenty more poorly conceived excuses to spray red liquid at the camera. While I can see how fun it must have been to make, the rest of us gore nerds know which of our home movies to keep hidden in our basements!

We end with credits rolling over members of the cast and crew hitting each other with “iron pies” as their names come up on the screen. These ingenious devices are composed of a hard rubber plate covered in silver painted rubber spikes with a fake blood filled balloon “hidden” in the middle. We even got to watch one not break. Come on, guys! Where'd the cancerous mermaid go?

Do not watch Devil Doctor Woman. While the rest of the series has some artistic merit, some decent gore set pieces, or at the very least some effort put towards entertaining, this last one is a waste of an hour.

I promise I'll never ask for a blood geyser again.